My friend this week has met someone on line that they are “seeing” .  Hurrah!  What is more joyous than a new relationship that’s going well?  Going well maybe over stating it- they’ve just got a second date and  I just hope they don’t blow it – and they might...

Here’s what has happened before:

My friend is  very attractive, s/he is into fitness, sports and the arts.  H/she is intelligent, witty and charming when s/he wants to be. This person is good looking and sporty and dresses well.  S/he gets numerous hits, winks and nudges on the websites s/he is listed on and s/he is a good responder- taking time to get some conversation going with people, sending the odd flirty text.

So off they go on a date- they meet the person, chat, go out for dinner maybe go for a drink.  My friend may or may not go back with them to their place or vice versa – it depends on if there’s a spark there or if they are “clicking” or if the kids are sorted that night.  Sometimes they might hang out together the next day- although usually the date says s/he’s busy or has to go somewhere.  All sounds par for the course, you say, true... and then my friend never hears from them again.  Or if they do it’s to say that they can’t see each other anymore, or maybe sometime...  Then the texting starts: are they free? They never are.  Why can’t they carry on seeing each other?  No one is ever specific; it’s past relationships that have cropped up again, it’s not the right time...  So what’s going on?  Let’s look at the scenario in a little more detail.

This couple (my friend and X) get to know each other, (my friend will celebrate with a glass of wine)  they text that evening (my friend will toast a glass),  they talk decide to go for a meal, (my friend has one for ‘dutch courage’) , they meet, (my friend knocks them back) they decide to go for a late night drink – by which time my friend is completely drunk.  

From then on, who knows what s/he is saying? Maybe something highly witty maybe something utterly rubbish! Who knows what they get up to?- because s/he is legless.  Come the next day- the oh so hopeful date has disappeared- only to be found in fobbing off texts and weak excuses.  You guessed it- my friend has a drink problem.  Alcoholic?  Binge drinker?   Call it what you like but it scares off the dates like nothing else.  At the end of it all my friend is left wondering why all these potential suitable dates have legged it after one meeting. 

If any of the issues in this piece has resonated with you or someone you know please see the website:  www.alchoholics-anonymous.org.uk  or call the helpline number:  0845 769 7555